


i was doing fine without you (till i saw your face)

by shayarbel



Category: A Song of Ice and Fire - George R. R. Martin, Game of Thrones (TV)
Genre: Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Depression, Eventual Smut, F/M, Grief/Mourning, Mother-Daughter Relationship
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-01-21
Updated: 2020-01-21
Packaged: 2021-02-19 07:41:00
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 13,200
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/22340761
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shayarbel/pseuds/shayarbel
Summary: “You could break my heart a thousand times over and I'll still be aching for the feel of your skin on mine. I don’t care if that’s too pathetic for m’lady high, but it is what it is,” he took a breath and continued with a determined look in his eyes, “for all that it is, I haven’t gotten over you and I suspect I never will.” He left her there in the backyard of the house. The cold was creeping into her bones, but she suspected the shivers that ran through her body had nothing to do with the low degrees of this late January night. She closed her eyes and she could feel wetness in her eyes, and as she opened her eyes and looked up to the night sky, she could feel that same wetness make its way down her cheeks.OrArya and Gendry broke up months ago, so why is he still on her mind?
Relationships: Arya Stark/Gendry Waters, Minor or Background Relationship(s), Theon Greyjoy/Sansa Stark
Comments: 24
Kudos: 130





	i was doing fine without you (till i saw your face)

**Author's Note:**

> oh my goodness, okay.  
> first of all i want to thank my amazing friend and the most amazing beta anyone could ever ask for - Holly (@babyitsbeautiful on tumblr). you are the best thing ever and i truly do not deserve you in my life.  
> second of all - this is my first fic, feel free to leave a comment and i will love you forever.  
> this has been on my mind for a while so thank you for taking the time to read it.  
> enjoy!!

To say Arya was busy would be an understatement. She was on her way back to her shared dormitory after a very long class about the history of press, a class she is nailing mind you. It’s a shame her professor thought otherwise and if he hadn’t graded her latest essay, a brilliant essay if she says so herself, with a 70% she wouldn’t be in such a hurry in the first place. She made her way through campus and maneuvered her way through the sea of uni students who seemed to be in just as much a rush as she was. She barged through the door of her dormitory, making her friend Shireen jump on top of her bed.

“Do you mind?” Shireen snapped. She was sat on her bed with numerous textbooks surrounding her, a pen in her right hand and a notebook in the other.

“Sorry, sorry, I'm just in a hurry, my training starts in twenty minutes and if I’m late again Clegane will have my head,” Arya explained in a rush, pulling her shirt and jeans off before changing into her gym clothes.

“Well do it quietly then, I have so many exams coming up, I'm thinking of changing my identity and disappearing off the face of the earth,” her friend joked.

“Yeah well I can't say I haven’t thought about doing that myself once or twice,” Arya replied with a smirk as she hopped on one leg trying to quickly put on her trainers. “Either way we both know you’ll ace every single one of these exams, so stop fretting, will you?”

Shireen was one of her closest friends on campus. They both met at this very dormitory last year when they both just began their journey at King’s Landing University. Shireen was a law student, she aspired to be like her father, Stannis Baratheon, who is one of the most successful lawyers in the country.

Her black haired friend rolled her eyes, “The only way for me to ace these exams is studying, so could you kindly fuck off?” she said and threw a pillow at her friend who only snickered and quickly made her way out the door.

As soon as she was outside, she sprinted as fast as her short legs could take her and made her way to her training. For a moment she thought about making a shortcut through the park over the next block but quickly decided against it. _Too many memories._

Instead she prompted to run faster and not long after that, she saw her destination from a distance and sighed in relief. She slowed her footsteps as she approached the two-story building, and quickly pushed the heavy door and made her way inside.

“You're late.”

A voice boomed from the far-right side of the room.

“Sorry Clegane, had to stay a bit longer in class for this essa-“she started to apologize but was soon interrupted.

“I don’t care girl. Make sure you arrive on time or I'll look for someone else to do the job.” he replied gruffly.

“No one is willing to do this job, that’s why I'm here,” she muttered under her breath. But he heard her anyway and just grunted in response.

When Arya was younger, she used to train in boxing in the hopes of competing in it when she was older. However, as she got older and her body grew with her, she found it difficult to find someone who would still train her.

When she stumbled upon the opportunity of this job she didn’t have to think twice. It was a small boxing club that hosted small competitions throughout the week. She came here three times a week, and every time she would scrub the floors and dust the walls, and in return Clegane would teach her some boxing moves.

She quickly made herself busy as to not anger her trainer even further. He was a strange man – Sandor. He was almost like a giant dog who seemed very intimidating and could probably snap your neck in half with a single bite, and yet sometimes he looked at her with eyes that were so gentle, it almost felt like her father was alive once more.

As she swept the dirt and dust out the door, she let her mind wander, something she rarely got to do. The thought of lavender and motor oil, of black hair and big hands crept into the back of her mind, but she caught herself before it could get any further. _Stop thinking_ , her inner voice said. But well, Arya never had any self-control anyway.

By the time she finished tiding up, it was time for her training. She climbed up the platform and waited for Clegane. She was in the process of putting on her boxing gloves when he made his appearance known.

“We’ll be working on your right side’s defense today. I know you're a lefty so do try to keep up,” he said as he got into his stance.

She breathed deep and so they started.

After 2 long hours she was completely exhausted, her body was sore and she was aching for a fag, a long shower and a minimum of 8 hours of sleep. She said goodbye to Clegane who only grunted in response and left the building.

As she made her way out onto the street and on the way back to the dormitory, she recalled her thoughts from before. Why would she even think about him? He was gone, she made sure of that. He had no right of penetrating her thoughts like that.

Her phone beeped; it was a text from Hot Pie.

_hey arry, lommy’s older friends are throwing this massive party on Friday night and he told me to invite everyone I know but the only people I know is u and Shireen so pls let her know xx_

Perfect. That is exactly what she needs right now. Something to take her mind off her busy schedule and restless thoughts.

 _sure thing._ She replied and put her earphones in.

She stopped to take a fag out of her backpack. If Clegane or Shireen caught her smoking, she’ll be in for an earful. Even Hot Pie started with this nonsense, but she had a feeling it had to do with what Shireen said rather than with her smoking.

The only one who never minded was _him_. It was one of her favorite things to do with him. Sitting on the hood of his car in the park late at night and passing the cigarette between the both of them as if it was a joint.

On those nights they talked about everything, about Arya’s fears and her various familial issues, to his plans to help his mother financially once he opens his own shop.

They used to talk of their deepest secrets and biggest hopes. Of the most mundane things and of their biggest loves. And when her heart felt like it was bursting out of her chest, he soothed it with a kiss and a smile. That’s all he needed to do.

But then it got too real. Too fast. Too hard. And so, she took a step back.

She must be crazy, feeling like she did the right thing and yet regretting it with every fiber of her being. When they were together, she felt invincible and it was too good. And things never stayed good for long, and when she walked away, leaving a heart broken boy she saw a future with, she knew in her heart that it was the right decision.

She’s familiar with heartbreak. She saw it on her aunt Lyanna’s face every time she looked at Jon. She saw it on her mother’s face every time she looked at her. Felt it in her own heart when the doctors said they did everything they could.

She will not go through it again, not while she can help it.

She looked forward towards the now dark street and sighed. She inhaled the cigarette sharply and let the breath out, and then she threw it on the ground, and kept walking back to her dorm, begging her brain to _stop thinking_.

\------------------

Sansa was… Sansa.

She was worried about her she knew; she gets it. It still doesn’t make Sansa her second mother. She already had one and that was more than enough for Arya.

She walked over to Sansa’s flat right after her classes ended, hoping to find her home so they could get their weekly meet up done with. It’s not that Arya disliked her sister; she truly loves her. She can just be slightly overwhelming at times. However sometimes, when she felt like the world suffocated her, much like today, seeing Sansa only made matters worse. She only just walked in to her flat and she could already feel her throat closing up and fists clench.

As Arya was sat at her sister’s kitchen table, Theon was standing near the doorway watching as Sansa stood before her, her fingers pressing at her forehead, trying to ease the headache that was forming at Arya’s words.

“Sansa it’s just a party,” Arya sighed and rolled her eyes. She was surprised at how in control her voice sounded, considering she was shaking on the inside.

Sansa narrowed her eyes at her. “A party where you will have access to alcohol Arya,” she tilted her head and looked at Arya as if she’s blind, her fingers ran through her hair and she scratched her scalp furiously as if trying to urge her brain to produce words.

“Babe, it was well over five months ago, I'm sure Arya is fine. She can take care of herself.” Theon offered from the kitchen’s doorway, his eyes looking at Arya with a gentle gaze and a slight wink. She offered him a small smile back. Sansa, however, simply threw him a look that quickly shut him up and prompted him to walk out of the room.

“I know you're a grown up, and I know that I have no say in the matter,” she began explaining, her voice breathy and nervous. “It’s just…” Sansa continued but stopped to consider her words. She then sighed quietly and looked directly at Arya’s eyes.

“I just can’t be the one to pick up the pieces when you fall apart again,” she said finally.

Arya’s shoulders slumped. She closed her eyes and took a deep breath.

It was a mistake coming here. Clearly, she still couldn’t be trusted and no matter what she did, she will always be the one who disappoints her family over and over again. Sansa will always be there to remind Arya of how much of a liability she really is to the family.

They were always like this, even as young girls. Sansa used to be the worst, picking on her sore spots and bulling her which resulted in many fights, almost all of which were broken off by her father.

 _“Your sister and you are as different as the sun and the moon,”_ he’d say whenever he was comforting her, _“but you have the same blood running through your veins”_. It was her favorite memory. The two of them together, he always held her heart, and she will always hold his.

When Arya’s father died, she was merely 13. She came home from school with Bran and Rickon on a rainy March day, and she instantly knew something was wrong. When they walked through the gates of the Stark manor the place was dead quiet. Only slight whispering could be heard from the dining room. She followed the noise and found her mother sitting at the head of the long table with her head in her hands and her back patted by a strange man in a paramedic uniform. Her father was involved in a hit and run accident. He died soon after getting to the hospital.

Ever since her father’s death, her mother looked at her with pain written all over her face. Her eyes were no longer sky blue, but now resembled the color of the sea on a cloudy day.

She never understood why, not at 13 and not at the age of 20.

“Sansa, I never asked you to do that before and I'm not asking you to now.” Arya said with a tone of finality and made to stand up, but Sansa caught her hand and stilled her movement.

“I know that Arya, all I ask is that you’ll be careful,” Sansa said pleadingly and opened her mouth to continue but was cut off by Arya’s abrupt standing.

Arya didn’t stay to hear the rest. She grabbed her bag and left Sansa’s flat. 

She made her way outside into the cold January air and breathed. The sky was turning grey and she could feel several drops of rain hitting her cheeks.

Arya and Sansa have always had a complicated relationship. When they were younger, Sansa made sure she made Arya’s life a living hell. From bullying her at home, to emotionally abusing her with filthy words and dirty looks.

They grew up eventually, talked about their feelings. But instead of having a sister, it just felt like Sansa made it her life’s mission to be Arya’s second mother.

After the death of her father, her mother had shut down. The first few months were the hardest, she barely left her room, only for quick showers and for a bite of food. In fact, Arya doesn’t remember her mother being involved in anything that had to do with her. She was simply no longer present in Arya’s life.

When Arya got in trouble at school her older brother Jon was the one to show up at the principal’s office on her mother’s behalf. When Arya first got her period, Sansa was there to buy her first tampons, and when Arya first began her alcohol journey, she was reprimanded by Robb rather than her own strict mother.

When Arya graduated high school, her mother was not amongst the other families in the crowd. Instead, she got her diploma and then went to a pub with Jon and drank so much that she woke up the next day feeling like her head was used as an anvil in her sleep.

The fact she never knew what made her mother so reluctant to face her made her vulnerable, and insecure. Something that eventually led Arya to use alcohol and partying as a coping mechanism. Or perhaps it was her way of begging for her mother’s attention. Either way it didn’t seem to work – not that it stopped Arya from doing it anyway.

\-----------------

The week went by far too quickly for Arya’s liking and she found herself on a rainy Thursday afternoon having several doubts about going to the party. She remembered a time where partying was all she did. She’d meet up with Lommy and they would find the nearest rave or club and dance until their feet felt like they were falling and drank more than their body could withstand. It was a recurring thing for them. But she couldn’t stop that nagging thought in her brain that something will go off.

Arya was at her dorm sorting out her drawers and throwing away stuff she no longer had use for. She was in the process of sorting out her textbooks when she decided to bring her doubts to the surface.

“Do you reckon I could bail out of this party?” Arya asked nonchalantly.

“Why’d you do that?” Shireen asked with her brows furrowed, her nose still buried in her textbook. It was as if she hadn’t moved since yesterday. Arya huffed at that, remembering Sansa’s words from earlier that day. Arya turned from her desk and faced Shireen on the bed.

“It’s just something Sansa said to me today,” Arya sighed and sat down on the floor, her back against her bed as her legs were crossed. She picked at her nails and chewed her lips.

Shireen sighed and her eyes closed for a brief moment. She put her textbook down and looked at Arya with such care in her eyes it made Arya hold her breath.

“Arya, you don’t owe your sister a thing. I get that she’s trying to protect you, but she needs to calm down,” she said taking a deep breath and coming over to Arya to sit by her on the floor. She took her hands in her own and squeezed. Arya’s hands were clammy from the anxiety that was buzzing through her body, but even if Shireen minded, she said nothing.

“So, you had a few breakdowns after consuming alcohol, it happens. And with everything that happened to you I would be more concerned if you hadn’t broken down at some point,” she took a deep breath and continued with a determined voice, “you went through some terrible things, I get that. But what you’ve been through won't define you forever. Your sister is simply worried and that’s her job I suppose as your older sister, but you have nothing to worry about.” Shireen finished with comfort radiating from her eyes.

Normally Arya would feel uncomfortable with such looks directed at her, but it seems her nerves had their hold on her whether she liked it or not.

Arya took a shaky breath and nodded.

“Besides,” Shireen continued with a smile, “I'll be there, and Hot Pie will be there and so will Lommy. We’re your pack. Don’t forget that,” and with that she got up and returned to her textbook. Arya looked around her dorm and sighed.

\-------------------

When Friday morning rolled around, Arya was free of any classes for the day. She pulled herself out of bed and trudged over to the loo to get ready for the day.

She did some homework and browsed through Netflix when the sudden urge to leave the dorm possessed her body. She looked at the clock, it was nearly noon. So, she made her way out of the dorm in the hopes of grabbing a bite at the chip shop a couple of blocks away, and that’s when _he_ popped into her mind once again.

She remembers the day she met him. He was rushing out of a chip shop and nearly collided with her. She remembers the blue of his eyes and the white of his shirt. She remembers the warmth of his hands as they steadied her and the concerned look on his face as he looked at her.

It was the morning after her latest breakdown. She was at her friend Lommy’s flat and they got so drunk she could only remember fragments of the night itself. The only thing she remembered was her, lying in bed with her eyes open and unresponsive as Sansa whispered soothing words to bring her back to reality.

She was a wreck that morning, Sansa convinced her to grab a bite and shower. And that’s how Arya found her way into the chip shop on a warm Saturday morning.

He looked at her like she was the single brightest thing in the room. And she felt it with every ounce of her being. And when they bumped into each other again a week later, she stopped to consider that it might be something bigger than the both of them.

And when he asked for her number with red cheeks and mumbled lips, she couldn’t possibly refuse.

It’s been months since that early spring day. And she managed to not think about _him_ at all. So why did her brain decide to be such an arse and bring him back into her mind again.

It was over.

 _Stop thinking,_ she remind herself and walked into the chip shop.

\------------------

She was twitching. She was twitching and she could see how it drove her friend into madness.

“Will you calm down?” Shireen asked rather sharply as she fixed her hair in the mirror that was on her wall. She was dressed in a blue skirt that reached her knees and a white blouse. Perfectly modest, perfectly Shireen.

Arya closed her eyes and threw her body down onto her bed. She laid face down on the mattress and begged for her stomach to stop twisting around itself. She took a deep breath and released it as slowly as she could.

“I'm not sure about this,” she mumbled into her pillow and then rolled onto her back, her face staring aimlessly at the ceiling.

“About what? The party?” Shireen replied while her hands twisted around her hair.

 _What else then,_ she thought with a bitterness she recognized all too well.

Shireen stilled the movement of her hands and caught her eyes through the mirror. She gave a small inaudible sigh and got up to where Arya was laying. She looked at her dead in the eyes and opened her mouth, but then soon closed it. As if she knew better than to try to comfort a person like Arya.

“There is nothing to be worried about, we will be there with you. You don’t have to drink and you sure as hell aren’t going to break down again.” She eventually spoke, with a monotone voice that suggested she might have rehearsed this scenario in her head, as if she knew something like this might happen.

Arya grunted and made to move but a hand at her shoulder stilled her.

“It’ll all be fine.” Shireen whispered encouragingly and stood up from the bed, making her way over to the mirror to carry on getting ready.

Arya opened her dresser and chose her black skinny jeans and AC/DC white t-shirt that she loved. She ruffled her hair and applied some mascara and soon enough both girls were ready to head out.

They grabbed their coats and walked into the cold January air.

“Do you reckon it’ll be a big party? Like the last one Lommy threw?” Shireen asked nonchalantly as her feet moved on the pavement.

Arya definitely hoped it won’t be. There were too many bad memories from that last party.

She remembers being drunk. Way to drunk. So drunk that she thought she’ll never sober up again. And when she saw _him,_ she lost all sense of reality. Her mind was a mess, her vision cloudy and she could feel her heart beating too fast. Like it was beating out of her chest. Only this time _he_ couldn’t fix it with a kiss. He never noticed her. And when she couldn’t spot him any longer, she ran to the loo and vomited the life out of her.

She shuddered at the memories of that late summer night. 

“I hope not,” Arya muttered, her body shivering from the cold wind. She wrapped her coat tightly against her small frame and pursed her lips.

“I bet it’s going to be filled with hot dudes,” she snickered. “You know Lommy, always needs a man candy to have on his arm.” She continued with a smile and a small shake of her head.

Arya smiled in acknowledgment and looked straight forward into the dark street. They were outside campus by now. Lommy being on his third year of university could afford living off campus in a flat he shared with Hot Pie. It was a small house, right next to the main park on a hill in the center of King’s Landing.

The night was cold, and dark and lights could be seen from every window, laughter and the sounds of TVs filled her ears, a typical Friday night in King’s Landing. All of a sudden, her feet halted. Shireen noticed a few seconds later and turned her head to look at her with question in her eyes.

“What if I can’t do it?” Arya whispered her voice trembling ever so slightly.

Shireen let out a small comforting smile and looked at her. She walked over to Arya and took her head between her hands. “You, my darling, can do anything,” she said, voice filled with determination. “I'll be right here with you. Don’t worry yourself over it.”

Arya wasn’t convinced. Something will go wrong, like it always does.

They continued walking through the city and the cold felt like needles were stabbing her skin repeatedly, although it might have been the anxiety that didn’t seem to want to leave her body.

When they approached the house, it was already bursting with music.

“A big party indeed,” Shireen muttered under her breath.

They walked in and found the party to be in full swing. People were dancing and singing and laughing, she could spot some of her classmates around the house with a plastic cup in their hands, surely filled with some alcoholic concoction.

She let out a small chuckle despite her nervous feeling, “this is such a stereotypical party,” she said to Shireen over the loud music that was booming in her ears. She laughed in return and nodded her head, “what else would you expect from Lommy?”

Just then a hand came around her shoulder, she looked to the right to see Lommy dressed in his most flamboyant outfit yet.

“Ah my darlings, so glad you could make it. What’s your poison then? Beer? Vodka? Scotch?” he asked leading both her and Shireen to the kitchen where a makeshift bar stood.

She hesitated for a second and looked at Shireen who gave her an encouraging smile. She took a deep breath and dove right in.

An hour passed and she was just over slightly tipsy. Blissfully drunk and chatty. _Gods how I've missed this,_ she thought as her eyes drifted across the room. If only Sansa could see her now, she would be fuming, looking at her with disapproving eyes and a shake of her head.

_But Sansa isn’t here._

Her inner voice said, and for the first time in a long time she actually felt free.

And then she saw _him._

\--------------------

_It was hot, that was the first thing she thought. It was hot and humid, and the sky was cloudless. Summer was definitely on its way._

_She had asked him to meet at the coffee shop across the street from the boxing club she trained in with Clegane. It was a fairly small place, holding just about 10 booths and tables. She sat at the furthest booth, in a relatively private area. She stared at her now cold coffee cup, the dark liquid swirling around the inside of the cup in endless circles._

_She must have zoned out since she didn’t even notice when he sat down until he lightly cleared his throat._

_She looked up and her eyes met a pair of blue eyes looking at her._

\-----------------

_“Will you stop being an arse?” he said between breathless giggles._

_She smirked in response and continued putting leaves in his hair. They were at the park; the sun was shining, and the flowers were blooming around them. He was laying on his back as she hovered over him with her knees surrounding his hips._

_She looked at the breathtakingly beautiful man beneath her and her eyes softened. He looked like some sort of a God with the green grass surrounding him, the sun beaming on his skin and making his skin glisten with a light sheen of sweat. She smiled and plucked another leaf from the shrub next to them and placed it in his hair. He shook his head affectionately and let out a slight breath._

_“How do I look?” he said, jokingly batting his eyelashes at her as his lips curled upward in a smile. She bit her lip and made a face at him, as she was criticizing the world’s most famous art._

_“Oh, absolutely exquisite darling,” she said with a posh accent that made him snort and roll his eyes. He raised his body so that she was sitting on his lap, he wrapped his arms around her, engulfing her small frame with his long arms and placing his hands on her waist._

_She leaned down and placed a kiss on his lips and he sighed against her. Her hands came to rest on his cheeks and jaw as she deepened the kiss. Her tongue made its way to his and he let out the smallest moan that made her smile and push back._

_“We’re in public you naughty man,” she said with a scandalized look that made him throw his head back with laughter. He only tightened his hold on her as her hands fell down to his shoulders._

_“You know I can't help myself love” he smiled at her and his eyes were so blue she swore she felt like she was drowning in them. She scoffed and shook her head, reaching out with her hands to shake off any leaves that still remained in her lover’s black hair._

_\------------------_

Their eyes locked from across the room. The flickering lights reflected on his skin and made him look like an ethereal creature. Her mouth opened up slightly, either from shock or from fear, she couldn’t seem to see a difference. Her legs didn’t move, she felt stuck in time. He looked good; his black hair seemed disheveled as if he tried to manage some sort of hairstyle but just gave up. He was always an impatient one.

Eventually though, he blinked and slightly shook his head and turned back to the brown-haired man next to him and continued with their conversation, shutting her out completely.

She couldn’t do it, fuck Sansa, fuck Theon, and fuck all of them. She will drink, and she might even find someone who will be willing enough to make her forget about the man who made her this weak version of herself. She made her way to the kitchen and poured herself three shots of Patron. She downed them quickly, _too quickly_ , she could hear Sansa’s voice in her head, but she shook her head slightly and went on a quest to find Shireen. She found her in the living room with a few people from her class and made her way over.

She pulled on her arm and dragged her away from the group.

“Hey wha-“she began but she stopped herself at the sight of Arya with her cheeks flushed and her breath smelling like tequila.

“He’s here.” She said shortly. Her lips bitten red with nerves and her fingernails split from the constant picking. Arya looked around to make sure he wasn’t nearby, he did not need to see the state of her, he didn’t deserve that.

Shireen seemed to understand instantly as she pulled Arya into an embrace and ran her fingernails through Arya’s hair. Arya couldn’t breathe, this wasn’t supposed to happen. He was supposed to be gone, she planned it that way and he had no right to walk back into her life so abruptly. She cut it off just so she wouldn’t be in this state in the first place, but as always, her plans always seemed to backfire. As Shireen released her from the hug, she ran her hands down Arya’s arm and at last they reached her hand, she squeezed her hands reassuringly.

Shireen looked past her and tried to speak but the presence behind her got to her first, it was warm and smelled so very familiar. Arya wanted to scream, pull her hair out and break something. Instead she sighed softly through her nose and nodded ever so slightly as if preparing herself for what’s about to come.

“I’ll be over there if you need me,” Shireen said quietly and made her way back to her friends, leaving Arya on her own with the man she broke, who in return shattered her.

She turned around and was met with his chest as he was standing so close. It was maddening. His smell, the warmth radiating from his body was making her shiver and her skin crawl. He looked at her with determination in his eyes, as if he rehearsed this talk in his head.

“Could we perhaps head outside?” he asked curtly. She couldn’t breathe, she simply nodded and turned to leave the house. He followed her quietly. As they passed through the people in the living room, she caught Hot Pie’s eyes and he sent her a wink and a reassuring smile. When they got outside, they made their way to the back of the house. She felt cold and she shivered slightly as she finally stood in front of him, her head down.

“I spent so long wondering what I’d say to you when I saw you again – if I saw you again,” he started, his eyes honest and hurt. “But now it seems like my head is completely blank at the sight of you.”

She took a breath and exhaled shakily. _I can't do it. I can't do it. I can't do it._

“I swear it’s as if you have bewitched me,” he said with a breathy chuckle, shaking his head and closing his eyes tightly. He pulled on his hair and continued, “It’s not fair you know? It’s been months of not hearing from you after you ever so kindly told me to fuck off and now, you’re here. You're here and I can't think of any of the things I wanted to tell you,” he said with a frustrated voice.

She raised her head and looked at him.

This is Gendry, the man she loved, the man who discovered her darkest secrets, the man who knew all about her dirty laundry, the man she loved so much until her heart burst to a million pieces, the man she let go of so she wouldn’t have to go through the pain of him leaving her.

“I, I don’t know what to say,” she finally mumbled and closed her eyes as defeat took over her. The alcohol in her veins seemed to start working and she let out a small laugh.

He looked at her, bewildered and slightly annoyed.

“You? Arya Stark? Speechless? It couldn’t be,” he said with a scoff.

 _Oh, so you want me to talk? Very well then._ She thought.

“What do you want me to say? That I was a complete arse leaving you and never looking back? That loving you was the scariest thing that I have ever been through. That to this day you manage to break my heart just by me thinking of you?” She screamed, it felt liberating to have her lungs ache for a breath as she finally let her thoughts be vocalized. She kept it to herself for so long, and now she was not holding back.

She came closer to him and put her hands on his chest and continued, “That your warmth, your smell is making me crazy? That I didn’t have any regrets over leaving you all these months ago, but now all I seem to think about, is you? Is that what you want to hear?”

She yelled as their faces itched closer to each other’s. He breathed heavily as if her confession rocked his world and now, he was left standing on crumbling ground waiting for the sky to fall on him.

 _Who’s speechless now,_ she thought. She shook her head and backed away, she took a shaky breath and shook her head. This can’t be happening. 

“I can't Gendry, I just can't,” she said finally and turned away to make her way back into the house. But he reached his hand out to grip her arm and stopped her before she could take another step.

“No,” Gendry said with desperation and anger in his voice. He spun her around so that she was facing him, “You don’t get to walk away this time.” He said with a tone of finality in his voice.

She was trembling and her arm felt like it was on fire from the hand that was still clutching it between his fingers.

“You,” he began and took a breath, his eyes searched for her own grey ones as if begging her to understand without using words. He sighed loudly and slowly released his fingers from the hold it had on her arm. “You could break my heart a thousand times over and I'll still be aching for the feel of your skin on mine. I don’t care if that’s too pathetic for m’lady high, but it is what it is,” he took a breath and continued with a determined look in his eyes, “for all that it is, I haven’t gotten over you and I suspect I never will.” He left her there in the backyard of the house. The cold was creeping into her bones, but she suspected the shivers that ran through her body had nothing to do with the low degrees of this late January night. She closed her eyes and she could feel wetness in her eyes, and as she opened her eyes and looked up to the night sky, she could feel that same wetness make its way down her cheeks.

She ended up back in the house, evading the prying eyes of people who must have wondered what could possibly make her cry in the middle of a party. Arya looked all over to find a familiar face in the sea of people all around her but eventually gave up and texted Shireen about feeling sick from the alcohol and heading out early.

She turned her phone off and made her way to leave and just as she was about to exit, she noticed him again, leaning his back against the wall behind him. His eyes looked like he was in deep thought. She didn’t linger around, every time she saw him her chest ached all over again. She couldn’t do this again; she won't cry again. _She won't._

_\--------------------_

It has been weeks since the party and yet Arya refused to talk to anyone of what happened. She was determined to let it go. She was waiting for that green light to finally emerge, so she could finally move on. However, it seemed like no matter how long she waited, she was stuck on a red light that refused to switch, as if her lucky stars enjoyed tormenting her.

On the morning after the party, Shireen treated them to breakfast and tried to milk the information out of Arya, but the latter refused to talk about it. At first Shireen thought she was having another fall, but that theory went to the trash when Arya assured her that she was fine, she was simply adamant on letting any memory of Gendry disappear from her brain.

Shireen thought it was rubbish, and probably the worst way to cope with things. She didn’t voice her thoughts in the fear of getting smacked across her face by the clearly not fine Arya.

After about a week of Arya being completely ignorant Shireen came to the conclusion that something wasn’t just off, something was _very_ off. She was deflecting, and when Arya was deflecting it didn’t take long for her to completely lose her shit and end up extremely drunk to the point of blacking out.

So, she did the one thing Shireen knew that Arya would hate, she called Sansa.

When Sansa arrived at her dorm, unannounced Arya was initially scared. Had something happened? Is everyone back home okay? Is mum hurt? When she was met with a negative response she started to worry. Sansa never showed up uninvited and without giving a notice beforehand. Something must be really bad.

As it turns out, her sister still does not trust her. To say she was not surprised would be an understatement. Throughout the entire afternoon, Arya had to endure a 40-minute lecture about how she should get help, reach out to people, and stop drinking.

However, as expected it all fell upon deaf ears the moment Sansa walked out the door of her dorm room. Arya still remained quiet and refused to let out a word of what happened.

Today, however, Shireen has had enough of the loud silence that dominated their dorm room since that party. She walked into their dorm room, walked over to find Arya sitting on her bed and shut the laptop that was atop Arya’s thighs.

“Hey what the fuck?” Arya began complaining, her brows were furrowed, and her eyes looked red from the obvious lack of sleep.

“Get up, we’re going to talk about this,” Shireen said with stern voice. Arya let out a scoff and began telling her off when Shireen cut her off abruptly with a loud “Now!” and walked over to the door waiting for Arya to follow.

Arya scrambled to her feet and took her jacket from the nearby desk as she began to follow Shireen out of their room.

They made their way to the café across the main street and sat down at the first available table they laid their eyes on. They quickly ordered some coffee and were soon left alone.

This is the moment Arya dreaded the most, she is going to have to be stripped bare. There is no way Shireen will let her live this one off. She sent a quick fuck you to any god that could hear her before setting her eyes on her friend.

“Well?” Shireen asked impatiently.

Arya was picking on her nails and let out a breath.

“He basically told me he loved me, and that he would probably never get over me and then he fucked off and left me alone.” The words flew quickly from her mouth, she casted her eyes downward and took a breath. “Somehow having him there made things all the more difficult.” She explained with her lids fluttering, trying to keep the tears of rage inside.

“It’s not fair you know?” she blurted next. Her hand was clenched tightly, and the coffee was long forgotten on the table in front of her. Arya clenched her fist tighter and brought her other hand to her hair to push back some stray hairs away from her face. She felt hot, she felt uncomfortable, and if Sandor was to see her in this state, he would kick her arse and make her stand up and fight. Instead of thinking of Sandor she took a sip of the coffee and leaned back on her chair in an attempt to calm down.

“The whole point of this mess was that I wouldn’t end up feeling like I do now, so why the fuck am I still feeling like the worst person on earth?”

Shireen let out a breath and crossed her arms in front of her chest. “You are the somehow the brightest girl I know and yet the stupidest one there is,” she leaned her elbows on the table and leaned forward to look Arya in the eyes.

“If you don’t fix whatever has been going on with you and him, I swear to all seven gods I will kick your arse so hard you will wish you never angered me.” Shireen sure was terrifying when she wanted to be. Seems like it runs in the family.

Arya remained quiet and took a long sip from her coffee.

“You will text him; you will meet, and you will talk about everything that happened. Have I made myself clear?”

Arya thought the whole thing to be completely ridiculous, however, if she even dared to voice her thoughts she will risk being smacked into oblivion by Shireen. She would have to sit this one out.

She was too tired to argue. Every willful bone has left her body and all that was left was the shell of her that had to accept things as they were. She had to make amends and if she didn’t, it would haunt her for the rest of her life. She needed to put the story to rest. It was time to properly say goodbye to whatever she and Gendry had.

A few days had passed, and yet Arya couldn’t seem to find out just how she was supposed to get that closure she sought so badly. At first, she thought of showing up at his place, but that was just a horrible idea. He could shut the door in her face, or worse she could find herself standing in front of a strange woman opening the door for him. It seemed unlikely of course, as only a month ago he confessed his feelings for her.

After she scrapped that idea, she thought of calling him, but that just seemed too awkward. Would he even pick up? What would he think if he sees her name on his screen? No, that wasn’t the way.

She then thought of using one of her friends as bait, but none of her friends really hung out with Gendry before. It was always the two of them. Nothing else mattered when they were together. No one else mattered when they were together.

By the next morning she realized that she won't be able to figure this one out herself. So, she decided to use the people around her to come up with a plan. Shireen being Shireen told her to simply text him, Lommy told her to use her sexuality as her weapon, and Hot Pie told her that if she was coming to him for advice, she was pretty much fucked.

That very day, she walked into her training with Clegane and got ready for work. As she swept the floors and cleaned the fighting ring, she tried to come up with a plan to ask Clegane for his opinion. _He seems like he’s been through a lot – he must know a thing or two about relationships, s_ he thought.

As it turns out that was the worst possible mistake she could have ever made. They were standing inside the ring, Sandor holding a punching bag that hung from the ceiling. Arya aimed every punch directly at the bag as he encouraged her to hit with different angles. Eventually she gathered enough courage to straightforwardly ask him what she should do.

He looked at her as if she grew a second head, he then narrowed his eyes, let out a small huff, and shook his head disbelievingly.

“Seems to me you shouldn’t end things at all,” he said with a slight tilt of his head. He then let go of the punching bag and stood in front of her, crouching down to her height and holding her shoulders in place. That action made her shiver. He looked deep into her eyes and she swore she could see his eyes slightly soften. “Don’t try running from it, girl. You’ll be running all your life. Embrace it and face the things as they are and stand up and fight.” He finally said and released the hold he had on her shoulders with a small squeeze. He turned back and grabbed the punching bag, aiming it so they could continue where they’ve left off.

Arya pondered his words and took a deep breath; she didn’t think she even had the power nor the will to fight anymore. She’s been fighting ever since her father died. Fighting to get her mother’s attention. Fighting her addictions. Fighting her anxieties. Fighting herself. There was nothing more exhausting than the latter. No matter how many times she won the battle, she always seemed to be on the losing side.

She pushed the thoughts away and instead focused on the punching bag that was in front of her, and by the time she finished, her body ached more than her heart did, and things finally seemed okay.

The days have turned into weeks and half term holiday was approaching in a matter of a few days. She could feel every bone in her body dreading this moment. Of course, she could stay with Sansa and Theon in King’s Landing, but Arya knew that while her mother wasn’t a part of her life, she still had expectations from Arya as a daughter. Which to be completely honest was absolutely hypocrite of her, however Arya still ached to go home. She hasn’t been home since the summer holidays before her first year in uni. Soon after she graduated from high school, she spent the summer with her aunt Lyanna, and then immediately she went to university. And ever since she always found excuses as to why not go home. But Arya knew that if she was to make another excuse, Robb will come down all the way from Winterfell to King’s Landing and drag her by the ear.

Truth be told, Arya missed her old house, she missed Bran and Rickon fiercely, and the thought of having her mother’s food in her belly made her heart clench with both excitement and sadness.

On a rather cold February morning, Arya laid in bed listening to music and going over her study material when she spotted Shireen’s luggage near her desk. Her friend was going home for the break and Arya had a choice, stay on her own in her dark dorm room or face her fears and go home. When that moment of doubt creeped in, Arya found herself calling Jon. Jon was her favorite one after all. He may be her cousin, but he will always be like a big brother to her. He picked up after three rings and the moment she heard his voice she felt like a little girl again, aching to be comforted by her older brother.

“Well then my Little Wolf to what do I owe the pleasure of you calling me after weeks of silence?” She heard him from the other line, he sounded happy and a tad surprised.

“Can’t I call my brother when I miss him?” She replied cheekily.

She heard him laugh and she took a deep breath.

“So… Mid term holidays are coming,” she started but was then cut off quickly.

“Arya do not use me as another excuse for you to not go back home,” she heard his voice get slightly angry. “You need to see your mum, and your brothers. They all miss you and it’s not fair for them, you have the ability to come home and yet you choose not to. This isn’t fair Arya.”

She took a sharp intake of breath and released it from her lungs slowly. He was right, of course he was. And yet, the mere thought of having to see her mother again made her stomach queasy.

He must have sensed her fear and she heard him sigh slightly, “You have to talk to your mother. Because if you don't you will live the rest of your life feeling like a failure. You know I get that; I went through the same thing with my mum. Do yourself a favor and go down to the root of it, I promise it will make you feel better.” He ended his speech and then moved on to less pressing matters. Arya knew what he meant, and for a short moment she could actually see her life turning, without those voices that crept into her mind ever so often, without her fear of failure, living her life with no doubts of ‘what if’ nagging at her brain.

As she parted with Jon over the phone, she threw her head against the pillow and pressed the palms of her hands against her eyes tightly.

\-----------------

When the cab stopped in front of the Stark manor Arya couldn’t decide between sighing in relief or gulping from fear. She quickly paid the cab driver and took her luggage from the boot of the car as she slowly made her way through the gates.

The front door of the manor was suddenly wide open and a tall gangly boy with curls that were the color of copper suddenly ran towards her.

“Arya!” he ran toward her; his clothes were too big for his lanky frame and yet when he got closer, he swept her off her feet like she weighed nothing more than a feather.

“Rickon put me down!” She half yelled half laughed as his arms came around her middle and finally her feet touched the ground again.

He’s gotten taller, and his curls were longer now. The last time she saw him he was an awkward 14-year-old whose sole purpose in life was to cause chaos wherever he went. That didn’t seem to change though, his eyes still held a mischievous glint.

“Thank the gods you're back, it was getting boring around here with only Bran to keep me company,” he laughed and ruffled her hair, as if to remind her he was now taller and yet she still remained the shortest one in the family.

She laughed in response and they headed inside. The house was the same as she remembered. The foyer was still big, and the floors were still marbled. The same pictures were hung on the walls and even the curtains were the same milky white.

It even smelled the same, a concoction of old wood and roses. And yet when Arya stepped inside, she felt her breathing quicken. _I cannot have a panic attack now_ she thought and forced her lungs to take a deep breath. She gulped and half listened to Rickon’s rambling, who didn’t seem to notice her distress.

“Bran is in his room like always and mum should be back any second,” he said and took her luggage to her old childhood bedroom.

She remained in the middle of the house and felt exposed, perhaps a shower and a nap could do her good, she quickly followed Rickon’s footsteps and headed to her room.

After a long shower, Arya carefully wrapped her body in a thick fluffy towel and opened the door of her ensuite bathroom and headed to her room only to find her mother there. She was sitting on her bed, her hands delicately laid in her lap and her posture as straight as always.

When she heard Arya open the door, she turned her head toward her and for a split second her eyes softened, and then she quickly casted them downwards. Arya cleared her throat when an uneasy feeling was taking root in the bottom of her belly.

“I’ll just grab some clothes, Arya said and quickly rummaged through her luggage in the search of some old pajamas. She turned her back and bolted toward the bathroom. She leaned her back against the closed door and took a staggering breath. _I can do this; I have to do this._

She shook her head and pulled her wet hair in a simple braid; she quickly pulled on her clothes and left her towel on the rack near the bath. She took a look at herself in the mirror and sighed.

When she finally emerged from the bathroom, Catelyn was seated in the same position.

“I was wondering how long it would take you to come home,” her mother said with a voice that was so quiet she had to strain her neck in order to hear it properly. “It seemed like you were adamant on not stepping a foot inside this house ever again.” She said with her head down.

She finally looked up, and her Tully blue eyes met with Arya’s grey ones. She saw her mother slightly flinch but soon after she composed herself, “It’s good to have you back, even if it’s just for a few days.” She said finally.

Arya scoffed at that, it was almost like the woman was oblivious to the things Arya went through because of her, maybe she was. Still Arya had a tough time sitting this one out. This situation had to be clarified.

“Really? Well, if you really wanted me to be home more often you could have treated me like a daughter rather than a stranger,” Arya said with anger in her voice. She couldn’t stop now, this thing had to end, and better now than never. She looked into her mother’s eyes and saw regret and grief.

“You are my daughter Arya, the things I did… I can only hope you will find it in your heart to forgive me,” she started. She turned her body to Arya and urged her to sit next to her on bed. Arya hesitated for a moment but then moved her body, so she was sat next to her mother, facing her. Her mother looked older, more tired. Several pieces of her stuck out from her low braid and her eyes were framed with dark circles the even makeup couldn’t hide.

“The day your father died; I was a mess. You know that. And grief took a hold of me and didn’t seem to want to let go. I'm not trying to make any excuses since in the eyes of the rest of your siblings I was the perfect mother. But not to you. It’s just…” she began and took a breath, she looked at Arya and rose her hand, so it rested against Arya’s left cheek.

“You look so much like him. Your hair and your eyes, your nose and your lips. It was like looking at your father and I just couldn’t. I couldn’t face you, because looking at you made me feel like your father was here once more, but he wasn’t, he was dead. And your face was the reminder that he would never be back.”

Arya couldn’t breath, and she could feel her eyes getting watery. If only her mother had said that to her when she was a child, if only Arya would have known that there was nothing wrong with her, all of those nights she cried herself to sleep, all of those panic attacks and restless thoughts of how worthless she was, could have been spared from her.

“Why didn’t you say anything? The things I went through… there were days where I couldn’t stand the sight of myself in the mirror,” Arya began angrily, but then her voice softened.

“I don’t know what to say,” she continued, playing with her fingers nervously.

“Arya, all I can hope for is that you will find it in your heart to forgive me. I love you, even if I never showed you just how much.”

It was at that moment that Arya wanted to be ten again, to run to her mother when she got hurt so she could lay her head on her lap and cry until the pain went away.

Her mother suddenly searched for something in the pockets of her blouse and then turned to Arya with a small velvet box. She gave it to Arya with a small smile. Arya opened the box and inside was a small silver ring, with an ‘S’ engraved on it’s front. Arya recognized it immediately, it was her father’s ring.

“He would have wanted you to have it,” her mother said and reached to squeeze Arya’s hand. Her mother stood up and made her way out the door, “Supper will be served in a few hours, I would love it if you were to join us.”

When Arya was left alone at last, she picked at the ring and examined it closely. She held it close to her eye level, and then it all flashed back to her.

This was the family ring, it had been passed down for generations, how could her mother possibly give it to her rather than her older brother. _He would have wanted you to have it_. She heard her mother’s voice echoing in her mind.

She put the ring on her middle finger and clenched her fist. And as she laid in her bed at night, she held the ring close to her heart. As if she was five again and laid against her father’s chest after having a nightmare.

During her time back home, she made sure to run riot with Rickon, help Bran finally choose his major after a gap year, and spent more time with her mother. Catelyn took interest in gardening after Arya’s father died. And when Arya saw her mother’s garden she felt like crying.

Each sibling had his own section, Robb’s was full of peonies, Sansa’s section was filled with roses, Rickon had hyacinths, and Bran had his own heart tree. And when Arya looked over to her own section, she saw a sea of lavender. _Lavender and motor oil_ her heart suddenly beat faster. She let out a breath and smiled sadly.

And when it was time to head back, she was almost sad for leaving.

“Promise you’ll call and come visit, I have missed you dearly my love,” her mother said when she accompanied Arya to the gates. Arya nodded at her and promised to keep in touch. She saw Bran nodding toward her and she nodded back – he never really talked much these days. She fists bumped Rickon and then got in the cab and on her way back to her life – back to figuring out what the hell she should do about Gendry.

\------------------

One afternoon, a week after mid term holidays were over, while Arya was on her way to Sansa’s after class, she noticed something rather odd. As she got closer to her sister’s house, she noticed not two but three cars that were parked in her sister’s driveway. One was hers, the other was Theon’s. She knocked on the door waiting for Sansa to open when she was surprised by head full of brown curls, and eyes so grey they almost seemed black.

“Jon!” she cried and flung her body towards him. He picked her up and she nuzzled her head in the crook of his neck. He laughed slightly and she felt the rumble shake her body.

“What are you doing here? You never said you were coming!” She said when he put her down. Gods how she missed him.

“I wanted it to be a surprise little sister,” he replied with a warm smile that seemed to wash all of her problems away. For a moment nothing mattered but the fact that her brother was here.

“I'm here on some work related things, couple of meetings and such,” he said and lead her to the kitchen table where Theon was drinking his tea, and Sansa was just getting off the phone with a polite “Very well then, thank you.”

Jon went to make Arya a cup of tea when Sansa informed her that she booked the four of them a table at some fancy restaurant not far from Aegon’s Hill.

The four of them sat at the kitchen table and talked for the rest of the afternoon, their teacups were slowly replaced by four glasses of white wine, and their laughs turned into full out snorting. At one instance Jon squirted wine from his nose which prompted Sansa to hit the back of his head with a tea towel. Arya didn’t remember the last time she laughed this hard.

And when the evening rolled around, she quickly made her way to her dorm and got ready. Sansa made sure to tell her to dress nicely, so Arya gave up on her favorite skinny jeans and a hoodie and instead wore a dark blue dress that reached her mid thighs and its sleeves came all the way down to her wrist while her back remained exposed. She grabbed her coat and made her way out, seeing Jon’s car waiting for her near the curb.

Sansa and Theon arrived in a separate car which allowed Jon and her to blast music at a volume so high she could feel the bass pumping through her heart.

It was indeed a fancy restaurant, and the meals were small and gourmet like and yet Arya felt like she was getting back on the road to happiness.

After the meal was over and the bill was payed, Sansa and Theon decided to quit early and head home, while Jon offered Arya to go with him to a pub. They left his car at the restaurant and they took a cab to the Wildfire pub.

They were sat at a high table in the corner of the room and they ordered their drinks and snacks. The conversation flowed easily; it was crazy how much she missed Jon. They were one and the same, never ran out of topics to talk about.

He told her about his job, and how Ghost finally warmed up to Ygritte. In return she told him about Shireen and Hot Pie, about her studies and about her time back home.

“I'm glad you and Catelyn worked things out,” he said and rubbed her forearm. She smiled lightly and sighed, her father’s ring now hung on a simple silver necklace that hung around her neck.

“Me too,” she confessed. Things were getting better; she could feel it in her bones. They finished their fourth round and Arya was getting well over tipsy, the wine from the restaurant and the beer mixed with the tequila shot she just down seemed to do the job.

Jon offered a last round before they headed home, and Arya was quick to agree, she got off the bar stool on unsteady feet and made her way towards the bar. She was just about to order when she spotted _him_ on the other side of the bar accompanied by a woman with black hair whose back was to her. The woman’s body was curved, and even without looking at her face Arya knew she was a sight to behold.

 _I'll never get over you my arse,_ she thought. Clearly there was nothing to end as he was right here enjoying a drink with a woman who looked far better than Arya ever will.

She abandoned her mission for getting drinks and quickly texted Jon saying she found a few mates so he could go home if he wanted. He replied after a few seconds with a thumb’s up emoji.

Arya was fuming, how dare he lie to her? How dare he make her feel like she was the worst person ever when he was clearly over her already? Arya moved towards them and tried to plan her speech for the moment she’ll get there, but the alcohol made everything fuzzy and her mind was swirling with a thousand thoughts.

When he noticed her his eyes grew in size and his mouth opened slightly. _He looks good,_ she thought and that made her even angrier.

“Arya-“he began but she abruptly cut him off.

“I thought you said you were never getting over me,” she began, her speech slightly slurred and her eyes were unfocused. “So that was a fucking lie eh?” she said with a laugh that was the furtherest away from being humored.

“Arya this is not what you think it is,” he began and looked towards the woman for advice, but the blacked hair woman remained quiet and her brow was raised, an amused smirk playing on her full red lips.

He then considered his words, nodded toward the woman and grabbed Arya’s hands dragging her off to the bathroom. Arya tried to break free of his hold, throwing several words of protest in his direction but Gendry did not relent and instead kept going until they were inside the bathroom. He then locked the door, and Arya leaned her back against it breathing heavily. Gendry looked at her, gave out a small sigh and framed his hands against the locked door so her head was between them.

“I wasn’t lying,” he said quietly, his head was so close to her, she could feel his warm breath hitting her cheeks. “That was my sister, she’s visiting from Stoney Sept,” he explained and then backed away from her and turned his back on her. He grabbed his hair between his hands and let out a frustrated groan, and then finally turned to face her.

“And what if I was on a date? Huh? You broke up with me, you let me go so you had no right doing what you did,” he was furious, his hands shaking and his face red with rage. “You can't do this to people Arya! You can't give me false hope and then throw me away like I was nothing more than a piece of trash!” He was yelling now.

Arya was fuming with herself; he was right. She was a mess, her head wasn’t thinking clearly and if she was honest, the only thing she wanted to do was kiss that stupid mouth of his to make that horrible string of words stop coming out.

She stopped his movement and grabbed his face, he looked slightly alerted and yet he didn’t push her away. When her lips landed on his she let out the smallest sigh through her nose. He must have felt it since she felt his lips tug up in a smile.

She bit his bottom lip and he grabbed the back of her head to deepen the kiss. She felt his tongue coating hers and she couldn’t help herself as she let out a small moan. He let his hands wander from the back of her head to the small of her back when they finally landed on her arse.

Her body felt like it was on fire, every inch of her skin was covered in goosebumps. She grabbed his hair roughly and tilted his head back, she then moved her mouth downward to attack his neck and she heard him let out a loud groan.

“Should we…” he began but was cut off when her lips descended upon his once more. He kissed her with a passion that left her breathless, every drag of their lips against each other made her ache for more.

“Should we head back to mine?” he finally mumbled against her lips and she nodded furiously.

They emerged from the bathroom and made their way out the pub, Gendry quickly hailed a cab and they got in. During the course of the ride they couldn’t keep their hands off each other, Gendry’s arm was around her shoulder and his other hand on her thigh, his face nuzzled in her neck, leaving soft bites and wet kisses. She tried her hardest not to gasp and moan.

Those ten minutes in the cab seemed like they would last forever, her body was buzzing with the excitement of what’s to come. Gendry kept stroking her thigh and she could feel his groin against it.

After ten excruciatingly long minutes, they finally arrived at his flat complex. Gendry quickly paid the driver and dragged Arya out the door.

When they finally got inside his flat, he pressed her against the front door and kissed her neck and collarbones. Arya moaned and arched her back so he could reach every part of her. He blindly searched for the zipper on the side of her dress, and when she finally got out of it he took a staggering breath.

He looked at her like she was some sort of a Goddess. She could feel her cheeks heating up and soon she was flushing all the way to her chest.

“Gods you’re beautiful,” she heard him say through mumbled lips. He then got down on his knees and pressed his face against her abdomen. She felt his lips make contact with the bottom of her belly. He then gently removed her knickers and slowly spread her legs. She steadied her body against the door and gently lifted her right leg so it could rest on his shoulder.

She could feel his hot breath on her cunt, and she shivered. He placed small kisses alongside the inside of her thighs. Every breath she felt against her core made her ache for the feel of him. She started writhing against the door, hoping for any kind of friction. She felt him chuckle against her core. She was about to yell at him to do something when she finally felt the pleasure she was waiting for.

His tongue flicked against her clit, and she sighed loudly. He was unrelenting after that, sucking in her clit and eating her out as if he was a starved man. He lapped at her folds and she gasped with pleasure.

She felt his fingers running over her slit until they were coated with her wetness. She bit her lip in order to quiet herself, but he must’ve realized since he stopped the movement of his tongue against her and said with a voice that made her shudder, “Don’t, I want to hear you.” She felt like her whole body was soon going to collapse as he finally pushed his fingers inside her wet cunt. He was sucking her clit and fingering her in a maddening rhythm that made her shake with pleasure.

She wasn’t holding back now; her moans could be heard all over the flat. When he added a second finger Arya felt like crying, it was so much and yet not enough.

“G- Gendry…” she whispered through her bliss, she never wanted him to stop but she needed to have him inside of her. “Bed. Now.” She finally chocked out between gasps and moans of pleasure.

He stood up and gave her a bruising kiss that made her core ache. The taste of herself on his tongue made her whimper and he smiled into the kiss.

He grabbed her hand and lead her to his room, she managed to tear off his shirt in the process, and as they entered the room she has already kicked off her shoes and he was standing before her, with only his jeans and shoes.

She pushed him down on the bed, so that he sat at the edge of it. Arya got down on her knees and slowly unzipped his jeans. His breath came out in shallow puffs of air, she could feel the anticipation burning through her body like wildfire.

She then pulled his jeans down to his ankles and took his member out of his boxers. She gave it an experimental tug and watched him shudder. Arya let out a smirk at the sight, and then finally placed her mouth on his cock. She licked at his head slowly and then pulled at his foreskin with her lips. As she got to that sensitive area, she sucked harder and heard him hissing with pleasure. She then made it her mission to take the rest of him down her throat.

She then began to suck him off in earnest, she felt his hands on the back of her head urging her to take him even deeper. He shuddered and let out a curse. But she wasn’t done yet, she needed to feel him inside her, needed his come to fill her up.

She got up and he almost whimpered at the loss of her lips against him, but she soon shut him off with a gentle kiss.

“I want your cock inside me,” she whispered against his lips and he let out a loud moan. She smiled and climbed on his lap. She held his gaze, blue eyes staring into her own grey ones. She took his head between her hands and stroked his cheeks and his jaw. He looked at her with awe all over his eyes.

When she finally impaled herself onto his cock it felt like her entire body was on fire. It felt like coming home again. The feel of his cock stretching her out felt like she was high on drugs. She threw her head back and let out a loud moan.

She heard him gasp and let out a “ _Fuck Arya_ ,” and she shuddered. She started moving slowly, her hips moving in slow circles. She felt his hands on her arse helping her with her movements.

She brought her arms around his neck and her hands were pulling on his hair. The feel of his cock around her made her dizzy, she could feel every inch of him dragging against her inner walls and she clenched when she heard him groaning against her neck.

As she bounced on top of him, he started kissing her collarbones and slowly but surely made his way down to her chest. He took her hardened nipple in his mouth and bit it gently. She shuddered and her movement lost its rhythm for a moment.

She couldn’t stop moaning, her voice felt like it was getting hoarse and yet every thrust, every drag of his cock against her sweet spot was maddening. He was groaning against her breasts and the sound of it only spurred her on. She began an unrelentingly fast pace, the only sounds in the room were their moans and the sound of her arse slapping against his thighs.

She was nearly there, she grinded her hips harder against his cock, arching her back so her nipples were dragging against the short hairs of his chest. He seemed to understand the hint as he quickly turned her on her back and thrusted harder into her, pounding her cunt with every bit of ferocity he held in his body.

She was screaming now, clutching at his back and pulling him close to her, he leaned forward and bit her earlobe and that was it. Her orgasm ripped through her like waves, each wave stronger than the other. She gasped when she felt his cock twitch as he gave his final thrust.

She was breathing heavily, and his groans could still be heard. She was sated and felt like her head was made of clouds. He slowly slipped out of her and kissed her abdomen.

And when they got in the shower, they did more kissing than washing up. Exploring each other’s body as if it was their first time. By the time the water had gotten cold the clock showed it was nearly 2 am.

They didn’t even bother getting dressed as they got inside the covers and laid their heads against the pillow. Gendry stroked her arm slowly and looked into her eyes.

“Why did you run Arya?” He whispered, his stroking moved down to her palm, and he took her hand in his and held it tightly.

Arya breathed deeply and let out a sigh. “Because I was scared,” she confessed, her lips between her teeth and her eyes welling up. He looked at her with love in his eyes, taking her hand and kissing her fingers as if urging her to continue.

“I fell too hard, and I knew it wouldn’t last so I preferred being the one to put an end to this rather than have you break my heart.” She had tears rolling down her cheeks now. He quickly brushed them away and pulled her closer to his chest.

She sighed and held him close.

“We’ll talk more when the morning comes,” she heard him whisper in her hair. He tightened his hold and pressed a kiss against the crown of her head. She laid her head against the pillow and snuggled to his chest. It was then that she smelled it.

Lavender and motor oil.

**Author's Note:**

> feel free to leave a comment and come and say hi on tumblr: @shayarbel


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